BABY/CHILD PREFERENCE

Posted on February 18, 2018. Filed under: Making a Difference, raising multiples, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , |

Interesting discussion going within one of the groups I belong to regarding preferring or “gravitating towards” one baby over the other, as one Mom put it. Most of the Moms say it is their partner who always takes one particular baby.

There are lots of reasons to prefer one child over another, even with other siblings: most/least like me; easier to deal with this one; this one is my first child….”; one may have medical challenges which makes “protection” of him/her a priority in the parent’s eyes, and so on.

Even if we have such thoughts, I feel that each of our children deserve the best of us. Having such thoughts makes us human, acting upon them is just plain Wrong! The child consistently not chosen will, in no time at all, be aware that they are lacking in the eyes of the other parent. They will internalize this message and translate it as: I am not good enough.  Even if a child is more difficult to settle and one parent is more successful at settling him or her, it is important for the other parent to step up and try to do settling from time to time. It is good all around. Good for bonding, good for a child to learn to trust BOTH parents, each child learns that both their parents love them and are willing to work things through, and perhaps most importantly, it doesn’t pit sibling against sibling and avoids the proverbial: Mom always loved you/me best!

It is also important to let family and friends know to treat each of your children as equally as possible.

Did you, your partner or a family member prefer one of your babies over the other? How did you handle it?

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