Archive for July, 2018

GRAMMA’S BOOK OF THE MONTH CLUB

Posted on July 13, 2018. Filed under: Quadruplets, quintuplets, raising multiples, Triplets, Twins, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , |

It isn’t unusual nowadays for our children to move to a variety of places all over the world for work, schooling, job, army posting, excitement and a bundle of other reasons. It can be a challenge therefore to get to see any of the grandkids with regularity due to time zones and distance – thank heavens for Skype or Facetime. They allow the grandparents and grandchildren to maintain their relationship.

If you are looking for another way to keep the connection with your grandchildren current, fun and interesting, try Gramma’s, or Grampa’s, Book of the Month Club. Each month the grandparent picks an age-appropriate book for each grandchild and mails it off in the mail to them, inscribed, of course. In this way, each grandchild gets to receive a package, a new book is now on the book shelf and connections are reenforced.

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CRAZY STATISTICS……

Posted on July 10, 2018. Filed under: Multiple Birth, raising multiples, Triplets, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , |

A 1983 Australian study revealed that a Mom of 6-month old triplets, with her paid/volunteer assistant, spends an average 197.5 hours/week out of 168 hours on the care of her children and home. This does not include time for her to bathe, dress, sleep, eat, relax or talk to her partner. The study does not include looking after any other children. A lot of time and effort goes into looking after the babies for whomever stays at home doing the primary care. This study is still good today, as the triplets don’t change and neither does how many hours there are in a week.

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DON’T TREAT MULTIPLES ALIKE

Posted on July 10, 2018. Filed under: Making a Difference, Multiple Birth, Quadruplets, quintuplets, raising multiples, Triplets, Twins, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , |

Here is an interesting post from a parent of twins whose daughters do not look alike and each has her own distinct personality.  If you have been reading my Blog for any length of time, you will know that I couldn’t agree more re encouraging individuality in all of our children.  Within our sets of twins, triplets, quadruplets and more there are also individual persons.  We are doing them a disservice in not recognizing this fact.  Read on and let me know what you think.

To raise individuals we must treat them as individuals.

http://mummy2twindividuals.com/treating-twins-fairly

Why treating twins the same isn’t always fair ~

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SUPPORTING SURVIVING CO-MULTIPLES *Warning: Some readers may find this article difficult to read.

Posted on July 2, 2018. Filed under: Multiple Birth, Quadruplets, quintuplets, raising multiples, Triplets, Twins | Tags: , , , , , , |

I have been supporting and writing resources for bereaved parents, grandparents and surviving multiples for over 32 years and a few thoughts come to mind for the latter, i.e. surviving co-multiples (SC). SC, even when they lose their co-multiple in utero, at birth, shortly thereafter or in early childhood, can grieve enormously for their special womb mate(s). Survivors who have had their co-multiple for years and decades before he or she dies, find it extremely hard to go from “We” to “I.” One man stopped shaving when his MZ twin died, because he could not bear looking in the mirror. It is not uncommon for a survivor to want to die, kill themselves, and join their co-multiple.
 
I have thought long and hard about to better prepare, if it is at all possible, the SC for when the time came when they must be alone. Of course there will be difficult days, unbearable grief, fear, loneliness, emptiness, feeling incomplete and so much more. But what if parents did better at the beginning of their multiples’ lives? By better, I mean teaching and encouraging their multiples to not only enjoy their multiple relationship but also be comfortable with being alone and separated from time to time from their co-multiple? Some ideas I have in mind are quite a few “DON’Ts”:
 
-DON’T give them rhyming names, or names which begin with the same letter as this presents them as a package;
-DON’T call them “the twins” or “the triplets” which also presents them as a group and there is no individuality in these labels, nor is their gender known;
-DON’T continually dress them alike. Once again, it presents them as a group and it can impossible to recognize the individual;
-DON’T always take them out only together. Split them up from time to time for errands, groceries, doctor appointments, sleep overs at grandparents and so much more. This helps them be apart, yet they can enjoy each other’s company upon their return. Parents also get one-on-one time;
-DON’T keep doing their hair alike. Let each individual personality shine through;
-DON’T insist they only sleep together or in the same room. Give them each their own space. Room in your house may be a challenge but there are ways to “divide” a room so that each area can reflect the personality of the occupant.
-DON’T insist they be in the same classroom because they are multiples. When possible, let them develop without them always being under their co-multiple’s eye.
-DON’T dress them alike each day for school. This is not only hard on teachers having to use their names and correctly tell them apart, but it is confusing for peers too. Not everyone appreciates your children dressed alike.
-DON’T insist that each be invited to the same parties. This can cause problems for any multiple not originally invited. Allow each to branch out, have their own friends and then do something special with the one not invited.
-DON’T force them to be in the same sports or after school activities. Allow each to shine on their own merits.  Yes it means you drive to only one place, but it also can negatively effect your multiples over the long run.
 
No studies have been put in place to see if any of these ideas would help support SC get through their loss experience later in life, but I wonder if it would be worth a try to see if encouraging and supporting individuality within our multiples would help over the long run. We CANNOT get caught up at the front end of our children’s lives with items that “make parents happy (such as dressing them alike all the time or giving them rhyming names),” when at the end of their lives they will need to face their permanent separation with no tools in their toolbox to cope. There is a good chance that we may not be around to help our survivor cope with the magnitude of their loss so it stands to reason that parents need to look at outfitting their multiples from birth for the time when they will eventually have to stand alone. Based on this, can we not consider some of the above, and maybe other DON’Ts as well, in order to ensure that our survivors have the best chance possible of not choosing the idea of killing themselves in order to be with their co-multiple???
 
For more in depth information on Survivors of Multiple Births, please see my Web Site at http://www.jumelle.ca
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