Multiple Tips for Raising Your Multiples…….

Posted on November 23, 2014. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

This isn’t a complete list because every scenario cannot be anticipated but it is a list of thoughts to help you and your family on its way:

-remind yourself, and others, that they are Individuals, even though they arrived together and may look alike.

-as such, each may make a different choice (e.g. clothes, hair, food, interests).  Let them do so.  It helps them learn to be different parts of the whole.

-if ever you are worried or confused about an issue, e.g. allowances as you have one who can handle $ and another who spends more than he has, take the word “twin”, “triplet,” or “multiple” out of the equation and ask yourself:  How would I handle this if they were NOT multiple-birth children?  Sometimes the answer can be very simple when you know your children’s capabilities and have “removed” the position that they are multiple-birth children.

-don’t try to be fair.  Life is not fair and learning from an early age that not everything is equal is an important lesson for any of us.  You are there to work things through and explain any disappointments, where they feel safe.

-be gentle with yourself.  You will NOT get everyday right, but tomorrow is another day with no mistakes in it and you can try again.  It is important to admit to your children when you are feeling overwhelmed, tired, “can’t think right now, so I am going to go into another room and think about it and answer you later.”  You are not expected to have an answer at your fingertips, so taking time to think of something without acting impulsively is a good teaching tool for the children to learn.

-if you are angry – TAKE A BIG BREATH, say you cannot deal with this at the moment and need some time to think about just what happened.  Do not lash out in anger or something may be said or done which could have consequences you are not proud of.  Once again, a “Time Out” for yourself will give you a chance to gather your wits, calm down and then deal with the situation.

-don’t rush, rush, rush through everything.  Take some time to drop your routine/schedule and just have fun with the children, at any age.  Some times, while intense, go oh so quickly so remember to have some fun too.

-think about splitting the kids up for some one-on-one time.  It can be as easy as only taking one on errands with you.  Just because they are multiples does not mean they need to spend every minute together.  Starting younger with splitting them up is much easier than starting when they are older.

-when you need to explain something, use age appropriate language and use the correct words.  I am especially thinking the “Sex Talk.”  Vagina, penis, uterus, etc.  Better they should learn the right things in the right manner from you, the parents.  Builds trust.  “Mom and Dad will tell me the truth!”

-if something is an issue for you, it will become an issue for them, especially if you are not aware of your own actions.  If you don’t like peas and never serve them, they probably won’t like them either.  Or are afraid of snakes/spiders, for other examples, your reactions will imprint on them.  Try and be neutral and let them make their own decisions.  Our daughter held a tarantula at aged 3 years in school and I would still be hard-pressed to consider holding one!  And from the time she could walk, she loved snakes and frogs………makes me crazy but the Joy on her face is really something special to behold.    I could have missed all of that if I had given into my own feelings around “cuddling” a snake!   LOL

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