Canadian Blog for Parents with Multiples

Posted on July 23, 2017. Filed under: raising multiples, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , |

I have come across a very helpful Site/Blog for parents with multiples which can be reached at http://www.lifewithmultiples.com   Written by Chris and Kathleen, parents of spontaneous triplets (surprise!), they address many of the questions any parents expecting twins or more might have.  Give them a look see.  I think you will be pleased.

Oh, and it is a Canadian Site.

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Multiple Tips for Raising Your Multiples…….

Posted on November 23, 2014. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

This isn’t a complete list because every scenario cannot be anticipated but it is a list of thoughts to help you and your family on its way:

-remind yourself, and others, that they are Individuals, even though they arrived together and may look alike.

-as such, each may make a different choice (e.g. clothes, hair, food, interests).  Let them do so.  It helps them learn to be different parts of the whole.

-if ever you are worried or confused about an issue, e.g. allowances as you have one who can handle $ and another who spends more than he has, take the word “twin”, “triplet,” or “multiple” out of the equation and ask yourself:  How would I handle this if they were NOT multiple-birth children?  Sometimes the answer can be very simple when you know your children’s capabilities and have “removed” the position that they are multiple-birth children.

-don’t try to be fair.  Life is not fair and learning from an early age that not everything is equal is an important lesson for any of us.  You are there to work things through and explain any disappointments, where they feel safe.

-be gentle with yourself.  You will NOT get everyday right, but tomorrow is another day with no mistakes in it and you can try again.  It is important to admit to your children when you are feeling overwhelmed, tired, “can’t think right now, so I am going to go into another room and think about it and answer you later.”  You are not expected to have an answer at your fingertips, so taking time to think of something without acting impulsively is a good teaching tool for the children to learn.

-if you are angry – TAKE A BIG BREATH, say you cannot deal with this at the moment and need some time to think about just what happened.  Do not lash out in anger or something may be said or done which could have consequences you are not proud of.  Once again, a “Time Out” for yourself will give you a chance to gather your wits, calm down and then deal with the situation.

-don’t rush, rush, rush through everything.  Take some time to drop your routine/schedule and just have fun with the children, at any age.  Some times, while intense, go oh so quickly so remember to have some fun too.

-think about splitting the kids up for some one-on-one time.  It can be as easy as only taking one on errands with you.  Just because they are multiples does not mean they need to spend every minute together.  Starting younger with splitting them up is much easier than starting when they are older.

-when you need to explain something, use age appropriate language and use the correct words.  I am especially thinking the “Sex Talk.”  Vagina, penis, uterus, etc.  Better they should learn the right things in the right manner from you, the parents.  Builds trust.  “Mom and Dad will tell me the truth!”

-if something is an issue for you, it will become an issue for them, especially if you are not aware of your own actions.  If you don’t like peas and never serve them, they probably won’t like them either.  Or are afraid of snakes/spiders, for other examples, your reactions will imprint on them.  Try and be neutral and let them make their own decisions.  Our daughter held a tarantula at aged 3 years in school and I would still be hard-pressed to consider holding one!  And from the time she could walk, she loved snakes and frogs………makes me crazy but the Joy on her face is really something special to behold.    I could have missed all of that if I had given into my own feelings around “cuddling” a snake!   LOL

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Triplets and their 2-year old sibling

Posted on February 15, 2014. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Question:  What could be some of the possible long run physiological effects for a two year old and the birth of triplets if the older sibling constantly felt left out.   Could that real or perceived lack of attention/love cause real problems?  If so what? A.D.D.?
Jim

Suggestions:

You have asked important questions and there are several things that can happen to make sure that your 2-year old still has a supportive environment and feels love, affection, caring and not side-lined.  I don’t think at all that ADD would be one of the side effects.  Even with lots of attention, some children experience it.  I think you will find that it is more of genetic make-up rather than situational, although situations can make children feel resentful, angry, vindictive unloved.

Firstly I would make sure that the babies are not called “the triplets.”  Use their full names at all times.  When they are called “the triplets,” not only do the babies
lose out on their individuation, the older sibling soon realizes he is not a part of the “special package.”  As parents, you call the shots so indicate to everyone that names are to be used only and correct as necessary, each and every time.
A challenge is that a 2-year appears so mature and capable next to three, probably premature, infants.  Remind yourselves that a 2-year old is still very young
does not yet understand being careful, what dangerous means, getting dressed, eating properly, etc.  A 2-year still needs a lot of guidance, time, caring and
affirmation.
Don’t use the 2-year old as a constant ‘go-fer.’  Fetch a diaper, get a bottle, hand me this, hand me that.  It is OK to help once in a while because a family is about
the Team, but don’t fall into the trap of using him in a lot of the day to day  caring taking.  They are not his babies, but are the parents’ responsibility and a 2-year
old still needs to be a child.
You might consider having the 2-year old in an activity that belongs to only him:  preschool, art camp, swimming sleepover with Grandparent or such.  Then when he gets home you can discuss what he did, friends he made, songs he sang.  In other words, he is the centre of the universe for a time.
Set aside time each day, just for the 2-year old with one-one-one.  Could be bath time, story time, errands or something else.  If he really needs you and you
aren’t available, give the child a timer and set it for a few minutes and say “when it rings, I will be with you.”  Try to keep your promise.  He needs to be able to
count on you and promises made.  This is an investment in both of your futures.
Sometimes have the babies wait while you finish what you are doing with the 2-year old.  You know the 3 are safe in their cribs and a little crying won’t hurt them,
but the fact that you don’t immediately jump up and run to 1 or more crying babies, sends a message to your 2-year old that what you are doing with him is equally important.  Once again, an investment in future behaviour.
There is no guarantee that there will not be any psychological problems in any of our children, but we can stack some of the cards and play them in a kind, caring,
meaningful way.  If you cannot go when your 2-year wants your attention be honest and explain that you are tied up and will get back to him as soon as you can.
Don’t ignore or snap your child.  This will cause more problems in the long run for the 2-year old than a lot of other things.  Instead of interpreting things as “Daddy does not want to be with me” he understands that Daddy is busy with my brothers and sisters and will be with me shortly.  Little children tend to internalize what is going on around them rather than really understanding that because of the situation, I am not available but can be shortly.
And what is important for the triplets is that they be treated as individuals as much as possible, in spite of their type of births.  Rhyming names, constantly dressed alike and the label of “the triplets” presents them as a package and that is how the world will see them.  They will each have their own likes, dislikes. abilities and capabilities and we, as the parents, need to encourage them to go after their own choices.  Start early such as taking only one on an errand, let Grampa and Gramma rotate as to who will go visit or sleepover.  Starting earlier is much easier on everyone than trying when they are older and have opinions.  Don’t make it an issue.  If it is an issue for you, it will be an issue for them.  It is really good for your 2-year old to witness that all the siblings are treated as individuals, important individuals.
I hope that this has helped you somewhat.  If you have any more questions, please don’t hesitate to get in touch.
Sincerely and best wishes,
Lynda
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Twins = Two automatically

Posted on February 6, 2014. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , |

It is interesting how many people call twins “two twins.”  Twins = equals two from the same set, usually.  And yet society will often describe a set of twins as “two twins.”   I just read a post about “two twins in the tub.”  Of course there are two babies in the tub because there are two babies in the set and “twins” means TWO.  So in effect the article is translated as “two two in the tub.”  We just don’t know what gender they are.   I understand why one might want to say “two twins,” but it is incorrect.  “Twins” means two and is sufficient in itself.

There is an exception, however rarely are we describing “two twins” each being one from two DIFFERENT sets.  In this case, “two twins” would be the correct description.  This situation is most likely to occur in large gatherings, perhaps in school, multiple-birth event celebrations and such.  In this case, I would tend towards using  “both of them are twins,” which can also be confusing in itself without further clarification.

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5 Successful Tips to Raising Multiples

Posted on February 1, 2014. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , |

Check out my new article on Raising Multiples at:   http://jumelle.ca/prenatal-education/raising-multiples/5-secrets-successful-parenting-multiples/

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