Treating multiples as individuals

Posted on July 2, 2013. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , |

A good rule of thumb when dealing with twins, triplets or more and you are having challenges with behaviour, bedtimes, mealtimes, curfews, allowances and so much more, is to ignore the fact that they are multiples and ask yourself:  “how would I handle things if they were singleton children?”  Very often treating each child as an individual with individual interests, focuses, ideas, behaviour, growth and more, offers the solution.  Example:  a mother with triplets, two girls and a boy, shared that her son required less sleep (they were 15 months old) than her daughters and as they were all in the same room, he woke earlier and then bugged his sisters until they woke up.  In essence she was left with 3 cranky children for different reasons (one had no playmate and the other two needed more sleep time).  I advised that she had a natural split between the 3 and that at a certain point they would need to separate the children for privacy reasons, why not do it sooner rather than later?  She responded, “But they are triplets…..”   The parents were so stuck on the fact that they were triplets and ‘needed’ to be together, that they were unable to see that the children needed, quite early in their lives already, a different response for their individual needs.  If they had all been singletons, I suspect the answer of giving them separate rooms would have been more obvious.  Multiples do not need to be together just because they are multiples.  They need to separated for little periods of time to get used to being separate and enjoying the freedom of discovering their own interests and abilities; and they need to be together when there are family events, special occasions, mealtimes and so on, just like any of our children with benefit from.  Cheers!

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Multiples in their own rooms

Posted on September 2, 2010. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , |

There is no recommended age per se but there are some factors which can help with the decision.

~one is a sleeper and one doesn’t need as much sleep. It can make it easier all around to have them apart so that they do not disturb each other;
~sometimes multiples don’t get along, even if it is just a stage. Providing each with their own space can be very helpful;
~with separate spaces, there is a better chance of one-on-one time, a challenge for all parents with multiples. With our twin girls, we had story time together, then each went to their separate rooms for cuddles, “how was your day,” and anything else they needed (about 5 mins. each worth);
~you know your children best and you might just feel that having time apart from each would benefit both, even if it is mainly sleep time;
~separate spaces help multiples separate from each other and yet they remain in hearing distance of each other, and
~if you need to separate, let them be a part of setting up their own spaces. You might let them arrange the furniture the way this wish, or choose their own wall colour (from a choice of two) or bed linens. Making them a part of the solution whenever and wherever possible helps alleviate stresses and fears. Involving them with setting up their rooms also works well with transitioning from cribs to real beds. Everyone likes some control, even little ones.

Remember too that the younger they are, the easier it is to control, in other words separating 6 or 8-months olds can be a lot easier than trying to
separate 5-year olds.

Good luck and have fun with it.

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