Making a Difference
Posted on July 10, 2018. Filed under: Making a Difference, Multiple Birth, Quadruplets, quintuplets, raising multiples, Triplets, Twins, Uncategorized | Tags: individuals, quadruplets are individuals too, raising individuals, triplets are individuals too, twins are individuals too |
Here is an interesting post from a parent of twins whose daughters do not look alike and each has her own distinct personality. If you have been reading my Blog for any length of time, you will know that I couldn’t agree more re encouraging individuality in all of our children. Within our sets of twins, triplets, quadruplets and more there are also individual persons. We are doing them a disservice in not recognizing this fact. Read on and let me know what you think.
To raise individuals we must treat them as individuals.
http://mummy2twindividuals.com/treating-twins-fairly
Why treating twins the same isn’t always fair ~
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Posted on May 18, 2018. Filed under: Making a Difference, Multiple Birth, Quadruplets, quintuplets, raising multiples, Triplets, Twins | Tags: comparing the babies, comparing triplets, comparing twins, dealing with others perceptions, negative comparisons of twins, others perceptions of our babies |
I am following a lead on twin multiples and the recent discussion has been around when there is a visual difference between the babies, usually based on weight, and how family, friends and strangers freely comment. With girls with a 3-5 lbs. weight difference, comments have included referring to the heavier as “chunky, huge, tubby, over weight, ohh look at that big one!” With boy/girl twins, a Mom shared that because the boy was the heavier, a stranger said to her, “Poor little thing. It is a good thing she has her brother to take care of her.” If there had not been another baby beside them, there would probably be no comment. Unfortunately, it is the comparison of the two, that invites negative observations and labels.
All of the Moms have expressed their frustration, anger and hurt and were looking for ways to answer such comments.
Some parents feel that correcting comments from family each time is the way to reenforce with their babies that each is acceptable and special in their own right. It is felt that this will balance what they will hear from others, i.e. the rest of the world.
When there are two, three or four babies involved, yes there will be comparisons. It can’t be helped. Even parents have a hard time not comparing. However, doing something in your head is very different from using words to point out differences words can really hurt. People don’t mean to be mean, but they can be thoughtless and misunderstand how such judgments can adversely affect the children over time.
I think it is important to let EVERYONE know that what they are saying is painful not only to the parent(s), but also to the babies’ themselves. Hoping that positive feedback from Mom and Dad will completely counteract what they hear from others seems to me to be similar to taking a book and only reading the left hand page and ignoring the right hand page. We will not get the whole story, nor will we understand the plot or how the story moves forward. It is important for parents to retrain the public EACH AND EVERY TIME anyone offers a negative perspective on your children.
Only in this way will children learn that not only was what they heard inappropriate, their parents reenforced the fact to the source that their comments were inappropriate.
A suggested response to size differences might be: “That is not the way we think. Both babies are healthy and happy,” or
“Our daughter is strong (fierce) and this attribute will hold her in good stead.” The only way society is going to be forced into breaking the stereo typing of weight and ability, especially for females, is to be called out on their outdated and ill-informed perspectives each and every time. Changes begin at the beginning and when we stand up against old stereo typical attitudes and bring them to the speakers’ attention, then we can hope things will change for the future.
HOW DO YOU HANDLE NEGATIVE FEEDBACK WHEN OTHERS SPEAK OF YOUR CHILDREN?
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Posted on March 28, 2018. Filed under: Making a Difference, Multiple Birth, Multiple Birth Prenatal Class DVD, Quadruplets, quintuplets, raising multiples, Triplets, Twins | Tags: baby tracking app, Canadian Federal Government, Dionne Quintuplets, identical quinteuplets, monozygotic quintuplets, raising multiples, raising quintuplets |
I am very excited to read about this is this morning’s news feed. The Dionne Quintuplets are the only recorded MONOZYGOTIC (Identical) quintuplets in the world. Unfortunately the story takes a down turn from that point as three levels of government stepped in and took the babies from their parents and other siblings, placed them in an observation building and displayed them to the public for the first nine years of their lives. “Quintland,” as the compound was called, became a huge money maker for the area as more than five million tourists viewed them through a one-way mirror.
The 5 young ladies were returned to their parents aged 9 and virtually were strangers to not only their parents, but their 8 other siblings as well due to their long, imposed separation from their family. The reunion did not go well at all and in the
late 1980s, the Canadian government compensated the surviving Quints for their pain and suffering as a result of the rupture caused by their forced removal from their family home. This was not one of Canada’s finer moments.
Both myself (www.jumelle.ca) and Multiple Births Canada (www.multiplebirthscanada.org) have been working for several decades to ensure that multiples in Canada and beyond are not exploited, forceably or needlessly removed from their families or separated from each other for adoption. We must learn from the mistakes of the past and ensure that our errors in judgement are not carried forward.
My heart feels good this morning as this tragedy of circumstances of birth is somewhat rectified, acknowledged and the Dionne Family fully recognized for the very special and unique family they are.
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Posted on February 18, 2018. Filed under: Making a Difference, raising multiples, Uncategorized | Tags: being a responsible parent, bonding, preferring one child over the other, preferring one infant over the other |
Interesting discussion going within one of the groups I belong to regarding preferring or “gravitating towards” one baby over the other, as one Mom put it. Most of the Moms say it is their partner who always takes one particular baby.
There are lots of reasons to prefer one child over another, even with other siblings: most/least like me; easier to deal with this one; this one is my first child….”; one may have medical challenges which makes “protection” of him/her a priority in the parent’s eyes, and so on.
Even if we have such thoughts, I feel that each of our children deserve the best of us. Having such thoughts makes us human, acting upon them is just plain Wrong! The child consistently not chosen will, in no time at all, be aware that they are lacking in the eyes of the other parent. They will internalize this message and translate it as: I am not good enough. Even if a child is more difficult to settle and one parent is more successful at settling him or her, it is important for the other parent to step up and try to do settling from time to time. It is good all around. Good for bonding, good for a child to learn to trust BOTH parents, each child learns that both their parents love them and are willing to work things through, and perhaps most importantly, it doesn’t pit sibling against sibling and avoids the proverbial: Mom always loved you/me best!
It is also important to let family and friends know to treat each of your children as equally as possible.
Did you, your partner or a family member prefer one of your babies over the other? How did you handle it?
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Posted on November 12, 2017. Filed under: Making a Difference | Tags: improving my life, Making a Difference, multiple births, Multiple Births Canada, nominating, recognizing support |
MBC recognizes anyone who has made a significant contribution to the world of multiples. It could be someone in your local support Chapter, a doctor, nurse, lactation consultant, newspaper or magazine reporter, photographer, charity, organization, magazine or someone who has a made a difference for you and your family in your multiple-birth journey. You can nominate any one whom has influenced your life.
It’s really easy. Here is their link, complete with a list of past winners. Please consider letting someone know how much you have appreciated their support.
http://multiplebirthscanada.org/index.php/about-us/making-a-difference/mada-2017
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Posted on October 6, 2017. Filed under: Making a Difference, Multiple Birth, raising multiples, Uncategorized | Tags: crying toddlers, crying toddlers when you leave them at daycare, Dad guilt, Mom guilt, needy toddler, part of the solution, problem solving with toddlers, raising twins |
Sometimes little ones can feel overwhelmed as you leave them at daycare or preschool. No amount of reassurances will make them feel better and your Mommy/Daddy Guilt is off the chart as a result!
A Mom with boy/girl twins experienced this situation, but only with her son, and she called me distraught and laden with guilt at her son’s reaction. She was positive she was injuring him emotionally and he would never recover.
We knew he liked the place, the people, the toys and the songs. His sister was there and he liked that aspect too. So I suggested that she tell him at breakfast that they were going to school, but that she would give a kiss to keep until he needed it during his morning. On arrival at school, and according to our plan, she gave him a large kiss in the palm of his hand and folded his fingers around it. She shared with him again, “If you are feeling you need that kiss at any time, just put Mommy’s kiss on your cheek.”
This worked really well except two days later, the school called (laughing) saying that he would not use that hand until he had used the kiss. He was afraid to drop it. When Mom shared the story with me, we had such a laugh, also appreciating how clever he was to not wish to drop his kiss. So I suggested to Mom to tell him to put the kiss in his pocket until he needed it. Of course she would need to make sure his outfit had pockets. This way, the kiss was secure and safe.
There was no looking back and not only did the Little Fellow enjoy his school, Mom no longer had any feelings of guilt.
Try thinking outside the box when problem solving with your Littles. Making them a part of the solution rather than a part of the problem, can soon have you all on the road to success.
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Posted on October 8, 2014. Filed under: Making a Difference | Tags: booster seat, car seat, child in booster seat, easily solving problem, police helps out, policeman makes a big difference, serve and protect |
At last a heart-warming story and Michigan Police Officer B. Hall shows us how it can easily work and be a win-win. When he pulled over a car because a 5-year old child was unsecured, he quickly learned that Mom had fallen on hard times and couldn’t afford a booster seat. Officer Hall took matters into his own hands and rather than issuing a ticket, purchased a booster seat for the astonished Mother. “A ticket wouldn’t solve the problem. What solves the problem is the child being in a booster seat. It was the easiest $50.00 I ever spent,” says Officer Hall to this no-brainer. This man is exceptional and made a difference in one of the easiest ways possible. He brings to new meaning to the phrase “Serve and Protect.” He is definitely No. 1 on My Favourites List.
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Lynda discusses multiple birth 